Have you avoided an activity because you knew you would be bad at it? Or, have you suffered through frustration and disappointment when your efforts were unsuccessful? We all find ourselves in situations like these. Opportunities to play golf had been popping up more and more over the years and with each stressful encounter I knew I needed to gain some skill and confidence if I was going to enjoy anything to do with this game. There have been moments when I doubted I could ever play well enough to look forward to a game with anyone but my most trusted supporters. Fortunately, I learned a lesson about struggle that has influenced some of the most rewarding choices I have ever made. This lesson came from an unlikely source.
After two seasons of skating lessons my eleven year old daughter wouldn’t be stalled any longer arguing that it was time we finally put her into hockey. Watching her was hard. Tiny for her age she struggled to stay upright on skates without picks while larger more assertive teenage girls blew by her. After one of a series of difficult games she put into words the truth I had hoped she hadn’t noticed. “Why am I the worst player on the team?” The words stung as I felt her hurt. She seemed to think that there must be something keeping her from being as good, something missing or weak in her make-up.
I explained that the other girls had been skating and playing years longer and had all that practice to build skill and strength. They were not born with their skills. Anyone putting in that time would have the gains to show for it. It wasn’t a personal reflection. In many ways it seemed to come down to simple math. If she wanted to play like them she would have to put in the time. She decided she wanted to improve and continued to play despite the obstacles.
When summer came it was time for her to get back into swimming lessons set aside for a couple of years while she pursued other things. To assess her swimming level she was asked to swim a few lengths. She timidly obeyed diving into the pool and breaking the surface of the water as she lunged into the butterfly stroke. Looks of surprise were visible and mumbling started as staff and visitors began to crowd around watching the tiny girl zipping through the water. With the grace of a dolphin she leapt across the water submerging to flip and kick off the side before bursting up to continue her strokes on the return trip. When she returned to the edge and looked up at all the people watching she searched for me with confusion and concern. As she recognized the attention was admiration she blushed and beamed. This time we chatted about how swimming on a team for a year she had put in the strokes that were visible in her skill. Here peers were not less able but less practiced.
I have thought of these experiences often. How many of us shy away from opportunities to learn something when everyone around us appears to be an expert. When I was 37 years old I was invited to play soccer. This was quite a stretch since I had never kicked a ball. Fortunately I was with a group of mothers similarly baffled by the sport but sharing the same idea. Why would we expect to be good at something we haven’t had a chance to learn? We shared many laughs as accomplished and composed ladies were transformed into unruly and uncoordinated children. Many of the same ladies still play with me 11 years later and have become valued friends. During those years of ineptitude, fun and learning I met my husband and now soccer is something we happily play together.
When I was offered a new position with work it came with a requirement to take an intensive course. The dread set in since the course would be using technology I was not familiar with. The most used technology when I was in University was the overhead projector. I heard those familiar words in my head, if you put in the time you will learn this. I spent more time than I want to admit learning how to use the system. There were many mistakes and moments I wanted to pull my hair out but I completed the course. Now I look forward to taking more classes and am reassured that anything can be learned if I am willing to give it a chance.
When I realized golf was going to require dedicated effort I began looking for the most supportive environment. This led me to Golfaround. The strength of this program is that we are all making our way together and understand that progress is not a straight line. Being able to stop and pick up your ball if you are falling behind is a tremendous relief. Choosing to keep your own score or use happy faces in place of numbers takes away the pressure. Basic techniques are reinforced by beginning each season with a lesson. Consistent weekly practice allows us to put in the time developing skill. It is icing on the cake to meet so many wonderful ladies along the way.
The world is fast paced and complicated. There seems to be a general expectation of immediacy. We need to be kind to ourselves and feel okay putting in the time to learn something new. It’s about choices and practice not innate ability. Achievements that take time and effort are worthwhile endeavors. We need to continue to support and celebrate those around us that are plodding through learning. We have all stood in those shoes. Give yourself time to learn. If we want to get better it really comes down to putting in the strokes.
Thank you so much Yvette for this great article. It certainly does reinforce what Golfaround is about and makes us very proud to be the founders and I am sure will give many members the insight into why we are here. Thank you Lynn for asking Yvette to do something for us.